You Never Lose The Ones You Lost

This morning between 4 am and 6, I had another good dream.

I have been having many of them lately and the theme is always the same: walking around many of my favorite spots and just talking to someone. It begins with my current wife but always evolves to someone I loved dearly and always held in my heart.

For many days it was my late wife who died in 2014 in January at age 44. Then I was sure it was a good friend who once was a bit of a friend with benefits who passed away a month ago at age 49 and today I felt who I believed was the daughter of a woman who helped many of my young male friends and I to become men but it wasn’t the daughter. It was her. I remembered while washing up that she and her daughter looked like each other throughout their lives. I will never know why B (just an initial) loved me so much. When we met, I was 17 and she was in her 40’s , the connection was like I met another mom from the past. This was never a taboo relationship or anything inappropriate. She was just the first mom to love me enough to call me out on my shit and set me straight.

The dream was simple; We were sitting at a picnic table and I said hello and then she nuzzled right back against me and I could feel her heat and her head turned and kissed me on the cheek. I wrapped my arm around her for a squeeze. We stayed that way a bit and then like all visits in the witching hours, the moment ends and I begin searching for the person and then wake up. It can take a few moments to let go of the pain of the disconnect and for many it gives them a bad start to the day. I did not let it. I grounded myself and went about feeding the cat and taking my med.

I realized something very special. If you touched someone’s life or they touched yours, there is a connection that never dies. It doesn’t need sex or touching for it to happen. It may have been born in your lifetime or hundreds of lifetimes before. This applies to whether they are still living or they passed on.

It all leads me to tell you this, everything is temporary in this world including you. Do not hang up or onto problems as they relate to people in your life. They will come and go. They may be passing acquaintances, life long friends, or lovers but there is a moment in your time you needed them and when they are gone you don’t need to worry or fear about their loss. Your job is to accept what is happening so the next great thing or person comes. Keep the clutter of pain and doubt from your mind and body and believe that good things will come because whether you are headed towards a hell or towards a heaven — and both are possible in this life — is up to you.