Why I Accept Nothing But a Cheap First Date
There are women and men who say they want to date to meet the right woman but will not accept a cheap first date. I think this is wrong and have found amazing women using this method I will describe to you.
Cheap first dates came out of my youth in 1986 where cell phones did nothing but make phone calls and cost $1 per minute to use, so almost no one had them. The internet was something men with uniforms and pocket protectors used to keep the country secure and the world wide web was an upcoming dream. Services like CompuServe and others, I honestly cannot remember, were not being touted for dating. There was nothing but our own skills to communicate and impress.
I remember talking to my dad about a beautiful girl I wanted to ask out and impress with a great dinner and his car instead of my Ford Pinto. He was a successful management consultant in the loss prevention field and had plenty of money but it was not always so. We had been well off, broke, and then rich as a family and he gave me the best advice about meeting women.
“Son, keep the first date as cheap as possible because if she is into you, it won’t be about the surroundings where a person can smile, talk about the decor, the wine or anything else. The first date is about communication. Seeing if you and she click is the most important. If not, then you have enough money to date again the next day or the day after until you find someone you like and is taken with you,” he said.
“Does that really work?” I asked.
“Son, I have had hundreds of dates in my life and most were over a cup of coffee or soda and fries or a night dancing at those parents without partner events which were five bucks. That’s how I met your step-mother,” he replied.
At the time I worked for my dad as a professional shopper making an average of $14/hr going to every Wendy’s restaurant in NH two times per month and literally getting all my fast food for nothing. I lived only 35 minutes from the beach and had five stores to work. That meant 10 dates I didn’t have to pay for while my personal wallet grew. I was in high school and girls loved to be taken out so you do the math and in a short time, I dated a lot, connected with a few, and had two amazing girlfriends in high school.
In 1989, it would be the last time I dated, when I finally met my wife at her work. I was a salesman coming in to sell something. She and I would date, connect, and become engaged and then married until death do us part.
I am not trying to darken this fun article but I want to stress that I met a great partner that lasted 24 years by concentrating on our attraction, which got us the date and then communication which was everything after that.
In time I dated again but online, I made more than four times the money but with four children, I didn’t have time for long drawn out dates. I had an hour or two to get a cup of coffee at Panera, rarely a drink at the Derryfield since I didn’t like to drink with strangers, and gladly paid; the quicker I know how my mind, heart, and soul feel about someone, the better.
Now though I had a different purpose, my mind was set in the goal that I would find a great woman in a sea of mature ladies who just wanted to play around and have nothing serious. I tuned my profile many times to exactly the kind of woman I was looking for and dated two to three times per week for an hour or less. I accepted that I would have to filter through many to find the person I wanted. I dated 9 to 12 women per month using rewards from my favorite coffee shop at the time. I honestly loved meeting new people and it helped me get through the second phase of grief. My goal wasn’t to have sex. The goal was to find a connection again and build from there. When that happens, it’s magical and it all came from cheap first dates.
The method never let me down. If a girl wants to be impressed with your money and how you spend it on her, she is looking for a payday at your expense. She might be hot but even the hottest women are someone’s pain in the ass.
Most of the women I never called back or had no interest were insecure. You cannot just choose the first person who smiles at you and gladly accepts your invite. You have to plan, gather, instead of hunt, and be able to reject what doesn’t connect with you if you want something that lasts a lifetime or at least the lifetime of one of you.
Save your money and enjoy the process. It works.
Oh and the process did work a second time. The night I met my current wife for coffee, we sat and talked until closing. Four straight hours of even communication that told us we should try the next step and despite it being rocky for a bit because of my grief and readiness, we eventually engaged and then married, six years and going strong.
