She Never Said No To Sex. She said no to Love, and I am Thankful.

My world in 2014 was a complete mess. I had lost my girlfriend and wife, Elle, of 24 years, and there was a great deal of guilt swimming through me. There we were talking the morning of January 28th, and then we weren’t as she collapsed, stopped breathing, and was unable to be revived.
Terrible horrors happen to people and families. Losing a wife and mother to four children is one of them. This isn’t about grief or suffering. I did plenty of that. I was able to get through a week until the funeral happened, and then the friends and family went home. The children and I had to contend with our greatest love being gone. The silence was deafening, and the real pain began.
I know very little about spiritual beings, gods, guides, and many other things we may ask about. Still, I do know that deep inside of my late wife was someone who understood she was running out of time. In 2012, I was getting the first bouts of a mid-life crisis. Elle knew I was a dancer in high school into my college years. After seeing a Richard Gere film where he learned to ballroom dance, it was apparent that I was driving Elle nuts, asking her to learn and go out to clubs with me. She encouraged me to go with my friends, which became a weekly thing. My Friday night adventure.
During those next two years, I met a friend I commuted with who introduced me to a woman, Kay, who would become my first love after Elle died. Between meeting her and Elle’s passing, there was a great friendship of meeting up for dancing, talking, and taking the weirdest Tai Chi class of my life, but no kissing or sex. Kay…